


what if we ruin it all, and we love like fools?

by peraltiagoisland



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: F/F, The pain fic, finally putting on ao3, haha ha ha, parts one to three initially posted on tumblr, set after 4x16, that I’m..., this be some mad angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-11
Updated: 2018-04-07
Packaged: 2019-03-03 10:13:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13339092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peraltiagoisland/pseuds/peraltiagoisland
Summary: Everything falls apart when Gina kisses Rosa in her apartment after a long evening of babysitting.Then Rosa goes to jail, and Gina falls apart some more. But she’s determined to get her out.





	1. and all we have, we lose

When Terry finally gets home from the precinct, he sees his baby twins laughing and running around with Gina and Rosa, who too are laughing and running around. They all wield small water pistols and appear to be engaged in some sort of all out war, as the mess in his living room suggests. Books and sofa cushions and scraps of paper are strewn across the room, and in the center of all the chaos are two chairs placed with their backs against each other, pink skipping rope gathered in a coil-like fashion around the chairs.

No one even notices him, they’re all having too much fun. And frankly, it’s a heartening scene for Terry to watch. His two coworkers who are basically family to him have transformed before his very eyes. The usually frowning Rosa Diaz who stares daggers into anyone that crosses her now looks so carefree as she abandons her water gun to hold up Cagney so that she has a better vantage point from which to attack Gina and Lacey. The ever so sardonic Gina Linetti on the other hand, who would be voted _Most Likely To Save Her Phone Over A Person’s Life_ any day of the week- is actually acting as some sort of human shield for Lacey, pretending to sacrifice herself so that Lacey can live.

But Terry’s not one bit surprised.

Okay, he didn’t expect _this_ , but he doesn’t find this situation to be completely unexpected. Gina and Rosa were softies at heart, and if any two children could bring that side out of them they would be his baby girls.

He feels all the fatigue and ache from these daunting past few days seep away from his shoulders, contentment and bliss taking over instead, which is when he finally decides to make his presence known.

“Guess who’s home?”

“ _Daddy!”_

Like flies with honey, Cagney and Lacey drop their toys and run as fast as their tiny legs can carry them into Terry’s arms as he effortlessly lifts them up in a big hug.

“Did you have fun playing with Aunt Gina and Aunt Rosa?” Terry asks as he directs grateful looks at the two, who seem to be straightening themselves up, futilely brushing water off their now rather drenched clothes.

“Yes!” Cagney and Lacey excitedly cheer in unison as they both stretch their arms out.

“That’s great, girls. Now go get Mr Quack-Quack, it’s bath time!”  
Terry puts Cagney and Lacey down which sends them running to locate their favorite rubber duck. He looks up at Gina and Rosa again, who are now giving him incredulous looks.

“You call your rubber ducky _Mr Quack-Quack?”_

Rosa’s grin broadens as Gina points this out, and Terry sighs because they wouldn’t be Gina and Rosa if they didn’t tease him about the names of his children’s bath toys, would they?

“Cagney and Lacey call their rubber ducky Mr Quack-Quack. Terry doesn’t _have_ a rubber ducky, because Terry’s an adult man.”

“Whatever you say,” Rosa replies. “Mr Quack-Quack.”

Gina starts cracking up and soon the two women dissolve in uncontrollable laughter.

“But seriously you two,” he interrupts because he can’t spend all night watching them laugh, he has to get his daughters washed up and tucked into bed within the next two hours. And he also has to clean up the huge mess that appears to have been caused by a tornado striking his house, rather than two grown women and his twins. “Thank you so much for taking care of Cagney and Lacey.”

Rosa shakes her head. “Nah, it’s cool. We had nothing to do anyway.”

“But we will be requesting a fee of five thousand dollars,” Gina adds. “Seriously, your kids tied us up for half an hour- how are they so strong?”

Rosa seems to shudder at the memory.

“I’m not going to give you five thousand dollars,” Terry clarifies, although he does sympathize with what they went through. Cagney and Lacey were already on their third babysitter. For that month. “But you have my gratitude, and I owe both of you one.”

“That’s sweet and all Terr-Bear, but gratitude don’t pay the bills.” Rosa rolls her eyes somewhat affectionately at Gina as she says this before she grabs her by the shoulder and starts moving her away.

“Yeah, we were just leaving. Bye Sarge.”

The door slams shut just as Cagney and Lacey run back with Mr Quack-Quack. And Moo Moo. And President Long Neck, plus her twin sister who is also coincidentally named President Long Neck. Terry sighs as he begins another negotiation with the twins regarding how many toys they’re allowed to bring into the tub.

He loses.

 

* * *

 

“So where to?” Gina asks as they walk away from Terry’s house into the street. They’ve got their hands in their pockets because the night brings a chill that isn’t helped by the fact that they were just soaked from head to toe in a no-holds-barred water pistol fight. But strangely, walking with her shoulders occasionally bumping against Rosa’s as they take brisk steps towards Rosa’s motorbike, Gina’s never felt warmer.

“I’m taking you back home,” Rosa says simply as she tightens the grip she has on her leather jacket, cursing herself for parking her bike so far away from Terry’s house.

“Not the precinct? My car’s still there.”

“Just leave it there. I’ll give you a ride to work tomorrow.”

They had traveled to Terry’s house together on Rosa’s motorcycle in a hurry, because Cagney and Lacey’s babysitter had a family emergency and couldn’t wait for Terry to get home from work before leaving. But Gina didn’t mind- riding on the back of Rosa’s bike sent a rush through her as they sped down the streets of Brooklyn. And Gina has to admit she loved the experience of wrapping her arms around Rosa’s waist, gripping tighter every time they turned a corner.

“That’s nice and all, but why would you do that?” Gina asks as they finally spot Rosa’s bike where they had hastily parked it before making their way to Terry’s house. “You’d have to make the extra trip- are you in _that_ much of a hurry to get home?”

Gina’s worried that there’s an ‘Adrian Pimento’-sized reason why Rosa wants to hurry up and dump Gina at home. And that worry makes her stomach churn with jealousy; a feeling Gina’s grown all too familiar with because of Rosa.

But then Rosa shakes her head.

“It’s fine. And I’m not in a hurry, I just don’t want you going home by yourself this dark out. S'not safe.” Rosa hands Gina her helmet, and she puts it on without question.

She kind of appreciates this protective side of Rosa. That jealousy of hers fades to dust, replaced with a nervous tingling that runs up and down her spine- plus something else hopeful and yearning, which Gina knows are dangerous feelings but she recklessly embraces them anyway. Because for once- they don’t seem so stupid.

“You’re such a _cop_ , Rosie,” Gina teases as they get on the sleek black motorbike. “Protecting innocent civilians like me.”

She almost feels Rosa grin somehow, even though she can’t see her face.

“Shut up,” Rosa retorts almost as playfully as Gina had been, and then the engine hisses as they speed off into the night.

 

* * *

 

Fifteen minutes of a deafening roar as Rosa’s bike rips down the roads to Gina’s apartment go by before fading to nothingness when they grind to a halt. This had been accompanied with another round of Gina’s hands gripping Rosa’s waist, inhaling the sweet scent of tangerines along with a piercing mint belonging to Rosa’s brilliant curls of hair as the wind combed through it in gusts of freezing air.

“Thanks for the ride,” Gina remarks carefully as she removes her helmet and hands it to Rosa. How she plays out the next few moments will be vital, possibly a watershed in their relationship.

“Sure,” Rosa shrugs, and her eyes dart to Gina’s apartment building. “Come on, I’ll walk you up.”

“Of course you are, we wouldn’t want anything to happen to me- Ginazon would be _lost_ without my guidance.”

Rosa lets out a small, subdued laugh and it’s enough to make Gina’s heart sing with unbridled joy. Things seem to be going according to- well, Gina wouldn’t call it a _plan_ , but. She knows what she wants, and she has a feeling she’s going to get it. And by _it_ Gina means her. And by _her_ Gina means Rosa. Duh.

As they make their way to the elevator, Gina can’t help but dwell happily upon how Rosa offered not only to send her home but also to walk her all the way back up to her apartment. Crime is down in Brooklyn, it isn’t nearly late enough for Gina to be in any sort of danger (for real though, Gina’s returned home way later than this and she had been alone then), and in the first place- Gina’s neighborhood is completely safe, as it has always been when Jake’s grandmother lived there.

So Rosa going to all this trouble- it has to mean something, right?

She’s doing it all of her own accord too, and as they step into the enclosed steel walls Gina gathers the courage to make Rosa an offer.

“Hey- you wanna stay for a drink or something? We went through an _ordeal_ back there.”

Rosa offers a tired smile and lightly jabs her thumb at the lift button for Gina’s floor.

“Yeah, okay.” She even yawns and stretches her arms in fatigue. “Even though those kids weren’t so bad, I’d feel less exhausted chasing down criminals all over the city.”

“Oh, don’t get me wrong,” Gina corrects as she secretly admires the way Rosa’s body looks while she stretches. “Those twins are adorable and I want ten of them. The 'ordeal’ I’m talking about is how the hell we both survived the past few hours without getting our drink on. We aren’t usually sober this time of day.”

“Damn, you’re right.” The elevator stops and a familiar ding coincides with the opening of the doors.

Gina digs out her keys as they step out and frantically unlocks her door, Rosa snorting at her failed attempts.

Gina gets her front door open pretty quickly despite the initial setbacks, and Rosa steps in before her, stopping in place ten strides into the living room to take in the apartment that just screams of Gina from every nook and cranny.

“Hey, so where do you keep-” Rosa’s question is muffled as Gina slams her door shut and throws her keys on the counter, rushing forth to engulf her lips in a deep kiss.

Gina knows she’s making a rather sudden move- but is it really so sudden? Rosa has been giving her signals all week, no, all month. A few months, at least.

She sees these looks Rosa shoots her when she thinks Gina’s too busy looking at her phone to notice at work, and while that might be true, Gina is nothing if not a master of (secretly, when it comes to noticing Rosa) multitasking. She’s half the reason the Nine-Nine runs as smoothly as it does- between all the shenanigans that are usually caused by Hitchcock and Scully, the occasional food accident Boyle will bring to the break room, or anything anyone else might’ve done that day- she’s also helping Holt by being his assistant _and_ the Civilian Administrator.

Damn, someone should give her a Nobel prize.

Anyway, point is- Gina can check her Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat simultaneously and still immediately realize whenever Rosa’s looking at her. Sometimes it’s official work reasons, like needing a case file, or needing to hand her an arrest report.

But other times, especially when Rosa has been running on just a few hours of sleep, three cups of coffee, and suffering from the effects of working for over ten hours- Gina will catch Rosa looking up at her, and she’ll try to do something to make Rosa laugh. Play a prank on someone, like Charles for instance, or make fun of someone. Gina realizes over time that Rosa laughs rather easily. When it comes to stuff she does.

  
And there are times when Gina has been in danger. Or close to danger. Or demanding to enter a situation where she would been in danger. She’ll see this fear flash across Rosa’s face and suddenly, Rosa can totally do this dangerous thing Gina volunteered to do as well as whatever she’s been assigned with. Or- someone else is more suited for this task and maybe Gina should do this other thing that’ll coincidentally keep her out of trouble.

Any other person and Gina would’ve felt offended and fought even harder for her way- but with Rosa, she craves the way she protects her, sometimes even volunteers to do risky stuff on purpose to see that look on Rosa’s face. That look that will never fail to send sparks flying through Gina.

Gina feels herself melt into Rosa’s arms and almost smiles when she feels Rosa kiss back. She’s almost proud when she runs her hands down Rosa’s back and she shivers ever so slightly. Somewhere in the back of Gina’s head, the word _finally_ echoes and burns, and a storm of emotion hits Gina.

It’s all the more shocking when Gina feels Rosa stop kissing her abruptly and shove her away. She knows the hurt in her eyes are evident, she sees it reflected in Rosa’s pupils and pain turns to confusion which turns into agony. Her heart just got stepped on by a pair of Rosa’s boots, and for all of Gina’s talents- in that moment she’s plenty sure she forgets how to breathe.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Rosa practically spits this out and Gina’s stomach twists, she feels so empty; and this can’t be happening- it was going great, Gina had kissed Rosa and she had kissed back. _She had kissed back.  
_

“Look at you like what?” Gina’s voice sounds very pained, even though she’s going for cold and aggressive. Her eyes are also burning, but she can’t afford tears of any kind right now.

“You-” Rosa gulps and her throat bobs shakily. She seems to be just as affected as Gina is. Good. _Suffer_. “You know I have a boyfriend.”

 _Why did you kiss me?_ Is Rosa’s underlying question, and it isn’t so much a question as it is an accusation. Gina rolls her eyes, because she knows as well as Rosa that her words are utter bull.   
_Boyfriend_? No one’s seen Adrian Pimento in months- Gina’s very sure of that, he hasn’t dropped by the precinct or Shaw’s or anywhere, really. Definitely not since Gina’s accident. But, not like Gina was keeping score or anything.

And Rosa hasn’t said a word about Pimento in ages. Not a peep. Like the psycho never even existed, which was a thing that made Gina happy, if she’s being honest.

Boyfriend?

Where was Rosa’s boyfriend when she chose to spend all those nights after work hanging out with Gina at Shaw’s, only occasionally joined by other members of the squad or some of Gina’s friends? How many nights had Rosa chose to spend drunk off her ass with Gina, playing pool whilst Gina mostly watched because watching Rosa bend ever so sultrily over a table beat holding a stick of her own any other day?

  
And no, she is no longer talking about pool.

But seriously, boyfriend? If that were really true, Rosa is the worst girlfriend ever because she spends all her time hanging out with some other girl and as far as anyone around her is concerned, this boyfriend doesn’t _exist_.

Gina tells her as such.

“Boyfriend? The way he never shows up, I’d have thought he was _dead_.”

She knows it’s a low blow, and Gina knows it hurt because Rosa fixes her with a sharp glare.

“Shut up,” Rosa swallows her words however, and Gina huffs sharply- they both give away how much they’re hurting with each passing second.

“You never talk about him,” Gina tells Rosa, and the way she averts her eyes lets Gina know that she knows this, was probably aware about this at some point. Rosa’s a private person, but when she cares about someone she tends to mention them in conversations.   
“And I never see him hanging out with you, you’re always with _me_.”

Gina emphasizes this almost angrily, because somehow she feels cheated. Like all her feelings and the signs she saw were for nothing. She was just seeing what she wanted to see, and Rosa wanting Gina just as she wanted her was all just a big hallucination on her end. Gina feels her first tear fall. She wills herself to not let there be a second.

“We’re… we’re _friends_ , Gina.” Rosa weakly throws this out. “Friends hang out.”

It’s a flimsy excuse, and they both know it.

“Sure, but not like we do. Not as _much_ as we do. You- you clearly prefer me over him.”

“Don’t say that.” Rosa shakes her head, and that only makes what Gina said more true.

“What do you want me to say? That- that I’m _sorry_ for kissing you? That I should’ve asked if you wanted to dump your boyfriend- who no one even sees these days- for me?”

Rosa gives up on the conversation, turning around to leave, but freezes when Gina grabs her by the hand. It’s a desperate attempt but it appears to have worked.

Gina goes for an even more desperate, hinging on risky, move.

“ _Why’d you kiss back?”  
_

And then Rosa Diaz bolts out of Gina’s apartment like it just caught fire and she needs to evacuate the building.

Gina’s heart feels like it’s on fire. And it’s not one that can be extinguished by the endless tears falling down her face right now as her knees give way and she leans with her back against the door; bawling so hard and so shrilling that Rosa would be able to hear if she was still close by. Gina hopes Rosa hears, and in the thousand imaginary scenarios she creates in her head, Rosa comes back and apologizes, kissing Gina and promising to break up with Pimento.

Rosa doesn’t come back, and Gina keeps sobbing her heart that she had laid out on the line, only to get it ripped to shreds.

She doesn’t sleep that night, neither of them do.

 

* * *

 

As if by some unspoken arrangement after that, Gina and Rosa start treating each other like ghosts at the precinct. 

They stop talking. Hanging out. They don’t so much as look each other in the eye.

No one questions this of course, because most of their hang outs had been secret, and if anyone noticed something had changed between the two of them, they were too afraid to ask.

Gina wishes someone would ask. 

Weeks fly by, and they keep ignoring each other. Gina takes to hanging out with Amy- in her head she’s doing Amy a service- if Holt was Amy’s work mentor, Gina feels like she’s Amy’s life mentor.   
Rosa takes to hanging out with Jake, or working cases with Jake, and well, strangely, it works in helping them keep apart.

They just make sure they back off when Jake decides he wants to look for Amy or Amy wants to talk to Jake, and it’s the perfect set up to avoid each other. 

In group situations, Gina makes sure never to respond to anything Rosa says, and as much as it hurts, she feels Rosa doing the same thing.

They’re pulling away from each other.

During the party at Cop Con, they both get way too drunk and some of these rules slip away; Gina recalls flashes of a broken memory, dancing against the girl of her dreams as they do shot after shot and get more handsy while the night bleeds into day.  
It’s a good thing Gina wakes up first the next morning- and sees her legs tangled with Rosa’s. As tempting as it was to keep things that way she removes herself from Rosa’s tight embrace and finds another bed in another room. 

They stop laughing at each other’s jokes and antics, maintaining either neutral expressions or downright scowling. 

It’s one of the hardest things Gina Linetti’s ever had to do, and she got hit by a bus. 

So far, this feels worse than that.


	2. i don’t want you to go, but i love you so

“ _Why’d you kiss back?”_

In the split second after Gina asks this, voice raw and ravaged as bloodshot eyes beg her to stay, hundreds of thoughts run through Rosa’s mind.

But she acts on instinct, and that instinct is to flee, to leave, to place as much distance as possible between herself and Gina.

She’s running away from her feelings again, and a sadistic voice at the back of her head mocks her for it.

Hands, her hands, shove Gina away- wringing herself quickly from rigid fingers that had wrapped around her arm so tightly. It’s an almost aggressive move that Rosa regrets once she carries out, but earlier thoughts revolving how badly Rosa actually wanted to give in and stay scare her even more.

Gina’s apartment door slams behind her and Rosa feels herself jolt in shock; an unusual feeling because as a cop with over a decade of experience under her belt, slamming doors and much louder, jarring noises are her stock and trade. But this entire situation has been so surreal and unexpected and Rosa feels like an empty hollow shell.

But when she thinks about it- is it really so unexpected?

An endless stream of appreciative stares and constant flirting had followed Rosa when Gina first started working at the Nine-Nine, and time did little to diminish Gina’s shamelessness. There had been winks and heated glances thrown at Rosa all those times Gina caught her doing yoga; “invites” to the gun range even though Gina didn’t know how to shoot-

_“You could teach me, sweetie. Teach me how to gun, hun.” Gina chortled at her own little pun, and even back then Rosa had difficulty not grinning when Gina was being all… Gina. She had her charms, and those charms were admittedly very cute._

_“I’m going to the gun range to blow off steam. It’s going to be endless shooting for hours. I need this distraction, Gina.”  
Gina had only winked. “I can be your distraction for as long as you need.”_

_As always, Rosa had rolled her eyes. And relented, letting Gina have her way, which she found over the years to be a common occurrence for herself. Gina would want to do something, Rosa would say no, and they’d end up doing what Gina wanted after some careful persuasion. But that wasn’t always a bad thing, since it did end up being a fun afternoon… and half an evening._

What? They lost track of time, and ultimately Rosa achieved her goal of releasing her stress although she never taught Gina how to shoot a gun on her own; she kept insisting that Rosa put her hands around her as Gina aimed the gun. Still, they had a good time.

But Rosa had never thought that meant anything. It was just playful teasing and- oh god she sounds exactly like Jake, who she had scoffed at when he said the same thing about Amy in the past.

Amy, who Jake used to claim was close to him _like a sister!_ and that their strangely intimate friendship meant nothing more.

Amy, who Jake used to make fun of and tease but never in a malicious way, ending up being so playful such that it was very clearly flirting.

Amy, who Jake had a crush on and fell in love with long before he’d admit it, taking great pains to lie to himself and others about his feelings.

Amy, who Jake wants to marry someday.

Amy, the love of Jake’s life.

Rosa tries not to think about how with each excuse she gives regarding how her relationship with Gina is nothing but platonic, she sounds more and more like Jake.

 _Jake_. Can you believe that?

The thud of Gina slumping against her front door shocks Rosa once more- she’s still standing in front of said door, and berates herself for it. She barged out for a reason, yet something gnaws at her insides leaving her battered and bruised; some part of her wants to go back inside, and apologize.

But it’s the wrong decision, Rosa knows, no matter how tempting it is. This isn’t her fault- Adrian and her were fine before, before Gina started putting her lips on hers and making everything so messy. Blurring the lines of their relationship as she knows it.

There’s also what Gina said earlier- Rosa doesn’t hang out with Pimento much anymore- nor does she even talk about him.   
But that’s not Rosa’s fault either. Adrian’s busy with the whole Private Investigator thing, and since he’s so busy nothing new has happened worth mentioning.

Pimento and her are fine.

Rosa is happy.

Right?

She tries to keep herself steady and steps away from Gina’s apartment, shakily making her way towards the lift- it seems so far away, much much further than when Gina had made a mad dash for her door with her keys jingling, the two of them laughing and carefree, just minutes before.  
Rosa had found Gina’s rush and failures to quickly unlock her door very endearing, and- could it be? That Gina was being so hasty because she was planning to make a move?

Everything feels ruined now, but Rosa knows that if she just leaves, things will be fine; they’ll sort themselves out, they’ll pretend it never happened. They can be friends. Like they were. Like they are.

Choked sobs filled with sorrow permeate the hallway and Rosa stops short. The way Gina’s sadness echoes ever so eerily strikes Rosa where it hurts most, and she knows in that moment that any recurring nightmares she has will pale in comparison and even be replaced by this sound. Just this endless, deadly sound.

Yeah, things won’t be going back to normal, she sees it now.

Rosa feels her own tears finally roll down her face as the offending cry of Gina’s heartbreak threatens to hurt her eardrums. She gulps down the bitter taste in her mouth and her throat closes up in agony; Rosa doesn’t know which is worse- having to grieve and suffer rejection alone or having to listen to someone you deeply care for suffer.

And knowing you’re the reason for it.

As Rosa’s head starts to spin and the world around her becomes fragmented and scary, she realizes it doesn’t matter which is worse, because she’s hurting either way. They’re _both_ hurting either way.

An agonizing shriek from Gina is what sends Rosa into a panic, taking to her heels for the lift and mindlessly jabbing the down button. She’s tempted to cover her ears to drown out the sound even though it won’t work- those few seconds before the lift arrives are one of the most tense and terrifying moments of Rosa’s life.

Rosa’s heard abandoned babies cry, she’s found a few of them over the years and had to help report them so they could be placed in the care of the city.

None of them have sounded nearly as destroyed as Gina.

Which makes Rosa a monster.

So she runs into the cold and dingy, strangely comforting metal walls of the lift, leaning against the railing as she lets herself completely fall apart. One last ride before she picks up the broken pieces and heads home- granted, this last ride is an elevator ride but Rosa will take what she’s willing to let herself have.

She sinks down to the ground and screams her frustration out. She’s hyperventilating and grabbing her hair in fists, then roughly tugging on it; her fingers are numb and she can’t feel her face, everything feels hot yet cold at the same time and it’s a horrible feeling.

No, scratch that, it’s so many horrible and conflicting feelings she has no idea how to deal with.   
The lift reaches the ground level and Rosa thanks her lucky stars no one’s there to see her sorry state in the lobby. She picks herself up and staggers her way back to her bike.

Her bike. She still has to fetch Gina to work tomorrow.

Sighing, Rosa whips her phone out and texts Charles to pick Gina up. She can’t face Gina tomorrow, it’s much too soon since she stomped on Gina’s heart.

Rosa bites her lip hard and wills herself not to think of Gina suffering, starts her motorbike and doesn’t think about how it feels empty when she’s sitting on the bike by herself, Gina’s presence previously warm and soft behind her now empty and cold.

As Rosa thunders down the streets of Brooklyn, she tries not to think about how in stomping on Gina’s heart, she stomped on her own too.

 

* * *

 

She goes straight to Pimento’s office- she has to be honest with him, because that’s what happy, trusting couples do right?   
They tell each other when they get kissed by someone else.

“Hey babe, you will not believe-”  
Adrian starts rambling on about some annoying client the moment he opens the door but she’s not in a state to catch anything he actually says. His words blur together and become white noise until she finally gets herself together and interrupts him.

_“I cheated on you.”_

He’s very taken aback, and Rosa feels like she’s gotten punched in the gut when she sees the pain in his eyes. Instant regret. It’s like everything Rosa’s ever done tonight, or more accurately, a few hours back, has felt wrong or just simply not right.

“You-”

“Sorry, that came out wrong. Someone kissed me. A girl. A friend. It didn’t mean anything.”

That last part’s clearly a lie and she knows it, but relief floods Adrian’s face and he lets Rosa inside. So it’s a lie she’s willing to take to the grave.

“Why’d she kiss you?”

“Drunk. She was- drunk.”

So much for trying to be honest.

“Did you… never mind. You said it didn’t mean anything, so you didn’t kiss her back. You didn’t kiss her back, right? Rosa? Are you gonna leave me for your drunk friend?”

Adrian’s rambling, and Rosa places her hand on his shoulder to calm him down.

“Hey. I’m here, right? I’m not leaving you. I… I love you.”

“I love you too, babe.”

As she pulls him into a hug which then escalates into messy and then violent kissing, Rosa can’t help but feel guilty, even though she’s said the words before and meant it, then.

_But how strongly does she still feel it now? And how strongly will she feel those words in a month? In a year? For the rest of their lives?_

Rosa doesn’t sleep that night.

She never outright apologizes for any of it, but Adrian forgives her and things seem to go back to normal, or whatever normal is for Rosa and Adrian. Time passes and their relationship remains… as it is, and when Adrian runs out of money to pay the rent for his office he moves in with Rosa without question.

But nothing feels the same anymore, it’s all weird and Rosa’s world is fractured at the edges and everything seems to have gone terribly wrong, even though on the surface it looks like nothing has changed.

And though her fiance forgives her, Rosa can’t forgive herself.  
What’s worse is how she feels herself pulling away every now and then from Pimento, deciding to go for a long night of drinking all by herself even when they’re both available to spend a romantic night together or whatever.

He understands, plus he has his own issues regarding the failing business to work through in which he takes long walks all the way to- Rosa doesn’t know where. It’s stupid, but she wishes that Pimento were more selfish and inconsiderate to give her an excuse to hate him, an excuse to leave. But he’s been a perfectly good boyfriend to her at best, and tolerable at worst. Mostly.

Rosa realizes the only one she can truly bring herself to hate is herself. Which she can only forget for a night or two after a bottle or three of whisky.

 

* * *

 

All of this doesn’t stop Rosa from avoiding Gina like the plague, and they go days which bleed into weeks which become painful months of silence between the two of them.

Rosa notices how empty her days seem without Gina brightening every gloomy corner of her life and it’s so difficult, gritting her teeth and pretending she doesn’t care about Gina at all. She does, she cares so much. She misses Gina so much. But she’s hurt Gina, and if Gina wants to give her the silent treatment for the rest of eternity, Rosa has to accept that, because it’s what she deserves. 

This all kind of changes one early morning in Babylon. 

Rosa was early for work, and seeing Gina’s empty desk made her think the tardy woman hadn’t even arrived yet. She decides to head to Babylon to freshen up- the ladies washroom looks and smells disgusting, and Rosa just wants the comfortable and delicate scents of Babylon to lull her into a sense of calm so she can be ready for a day’s work.

Gina and Rosa have somehow worked in a whole new silent system for their joint use of Babylon. Basically how it works is simple and stupidly obvious.

When Rosa wants to use Babylon, she makes sure that Gina is stuck at her desk, and Gina never gets up to use the bathroom until Rosa returns. It’s the perfect system for avoiding each other whilst still sharing a literal bathroom. 

Sure, Rosa yearns for their old system- private hours spent laughing and hanging out with Gina in Babylon, but she had made her choice. And maybe that choice hurts when it’s late at night and she’s at her most fragile, most vulnerable. She then hates said choice, plain resents said choice, but it was a choice she had made and she has to suffer the consequences now, no matter how painful they are.

Rosa slides open the heavy door to Babylon and is shocked to see Gina kneeling over the toilet and throwing up rather violently.   
It scares and worries Rosa to no end.

“You okay?” She asks and Gina freezes, somehow not having realized Rosa had entered, and flushes the toilet. 

“I’m fine.” 

“Are you sick? You should see the doctor.” Rosa restrains herself from offering to take her.  
Gina looks up at her completely unamused, and Rosa swallows thickly, never feeling this uneasy before. It’s a jarring and nauseating feeling.

“I’m not sick, unless you call being pregnant sick.”

Rosa’s eyes widen and all sorts of emotions flash across her face. She struggles ineloquently with this information. 

“You- you’re- you’re pregnant?” 

“Yup. With child, carrying a fetus. Whatever ya’ call it.” 

Rosa huffs in surprise.   
“You know the dad? Anyone I need to beat up?”

Gina rolls her eyes, and Rosa wants to go back to just avoiding Gina altogether because this really hurts, Gina’s coldness, and she just wants to hug Gina as tightly as you can hug a pregnant lady, and beg for their friendship back. 

“You’re not beating anyone up, Diaz. I actually like this guy- no, I _love_ him.”

That shouldn’t make Rosa jealous, or affected in any way, but it does. Oh god, it hurts to no end and the pain doesn’t seem to be going away any time soon.

“Oh. Congratulations I guess. Glad you found someone you like.” 

If Gina notices how Rosa sidesteps that declaration of love, she hides it, instead humming almost contentedly. 

“Yeah, I like him a lot.” She pauses to swallow, as if debating whether to say what she bitterly spits out next. “He doesn’t _push_ me away when I kiss him.” 

And with that, Gina walks past Rosa and out of Babylon, leaving Rosa alone in turmoil over everything that had just unfolded between them.

As the door slides shut proceeded by Gina’s fading footsteps away from the bathroom, Rosa’s eyes sting with tears that fill her eyes so quickly she can’t stop them from spilling down her face, and her throat betrays her by making godawful wisps of a whimper. 

With that, the last pillars of Rosa’s world come crashing down, and that is truly when she knows she’s hit rock bottom.


	3. so what we have, we choose

_A sharp, burgeoning pain rips through Rosa’s skull harsh and throbbing as she comes to, in what feels like a damp and dingy void. She gags at the rotten stench that every crevice of the place seems to emit, but whether she’s six feet deep into the ground or on top of the Empire State Building is unknown to her, as she can’t see a thing. She hasn’t been blindfolded, so it must either be impossibly dark or- maybe Rosa’s blind._

_She yearns to rub the exhaustion out of her weary eyes but Rosa’s hands are both tightly bound behind her back, as are her waist and feet which are tied to the chair she slouches on firmly. Typical. She’s been kidnapped, ugh. Rosa makes a feeble attempt to struggle against her restraints but quickly gives up because knowing the people she’s angered, there’s no way they’d leave her in an unguarded place giving her perfect opportunities to escape, let alone tie her up loosely._

_A blinding light flashes on and Rosa grunts as her eyes shut in protest from the glare. Whatever reason she’s here, she hopes everything ends quickly. She needs a nap and sleeping in a chair for god knows how long left a crick in her neck._

_When the room finally shifts into view as the fluorescent lights strangely fade into a soft amber glow, she gets the shock of her life because she’s not alone._

_Okay, it isn’t the not-being-alone part that gets her heart pounding, it’s who she’s with._

_Tied up just like her, sat in chairs just like hers across the room are two people._

_On the right is her fiancé, Adrian Pimento._

_And on the left… Rosa sees Gina. Oh god, what the hell was Gina doing here? Rosa feels her heart rate quicken, her breaths losing their individuality as her vision blurs, and she starts fighting blindly against her restraints- not giving up this time round. If she could just get to Gina, set her free, save Gina…_

_“Hello, Diaz.”_

_Rosa freezes at the sound of a sickeningly familiar voice, belonging to her new most hated person. Hawkins looms into the room, every step she takes mocking Rosa’s sorry state, Rosa’s seething state, Rosa’s will-kill-Hawkins-by-ripping-her-to-shreds-when-she-gets-out state._

_“Fuck you,” Rosa spits, staring daggers into Hawkins as she keeps trying to break free, working herself into a frenzy. She knows how pathetic she looks, but with enough force and stubborn determination, those restraints will come loose eventually, and Rosa will make Hawkins regret ever stepping foot into this room at all._

_“No foreplay first?” Hawkins taunts. “Okay, I’ll cut to the chase, Diaz-”_

_“Whatever the hell it is,” Rosa interrupts- an act that seems to annoy Hawkins and is therefore, a win. “You don’t have to keep them here, just let them go.”_

_Hawkins simpers, looking incredulously at Rosa. “Are you kidding me? What’s to stop you from escaping and fighting your way out if I let them go? They’re the only reason you’re still here.”_

_Rosa exhales desperately. “Please, I won’t try to escape- just let them go.”_

_Hawkins paces formidably towards Gina and Pimento, causing Rosa to make the heinous error of glancing at Gina, whose face is a sheet of porcelain white, unadulterated fear in her bloodshot eyes as she appeals to Rosa to save her please, she’s so scared and she just wants to go- it agonizes Rosa to no end knowing she’s the reason Gina’s here._

_“Let’s play a fun game, shall we?” Hawkins suggests chillingly, making it obvious that this will neither be fun nor a game._

_“Out with it,” Rosa challenges, her defiance conversely followed by a nervous gulp. She refuses to look weak, but knows that Hawkins has all the power here to make her very, very weak indeed._

_“Choose. Choose who you want to live.”_

_“What?!”_

_Hawkins isn’t joking, but she chuckles anyway, laugh rumbling low and dangerous as she nods. “Whoever you choose gets to live and go home, while the other dies.”_

_Gina and Pimento seem to visibly freak out at this, and Rosa doesn’t pale at all in comparison, in fact she protests harder against this more than anything she’s ever hated in her life._

_“NO! Please, I’ll do anything you want, just don’t hurt them, you don’t need to do this,” she begs fervently, never seeming more pathetic than in this very moment._

_“Of course I don’t need to do this,” Hawkins snarls. “I want to do this, and I want you to choose between the two of them- who gets to live, and who gets to die! You have thirty seconds, Diaz, before I decide for you and slit both their throats.”_

_“Gina!” Rosa explodes, making her decision in a split second._

_“Gina what?” Hawkins teases, even though she clearly knows what Rosa means; she merely relishes in dragging out the embarrassing sentiments behind this decision._

_“Gina lives. She gets to live.” Rosa’s voice quivers as she says this, guilt twisting her gut as she lowers her head, refusing to look at Pimento, Gina, or Hawkins. Heck, she wouldn’t even look at herself if given the chance. She hates herself and this decision she’s made but it’s a decision she stands with firmly._

_“Gina, huh?” Hawkins struts back over intimidatingly to Rosa, jerking her head up by pushing two calloused fingers under her chin. “Why’s it her, and not your fiancé? The supposed… love of your life?”_

_Rosa wants very badly to kick Hawkins, although to be fair she’s wanted to kick Hawkins for the longest time, ever since she screwed over Rosa and Jake in that bank months ago._

_“Gina’s pregnant,” she explains, although she herself knows it’s a stupid, flimsy excuse. “I can’t let a pregnant chick die.”_

_“Really? Pregnant? Gina’s far along?” Rosa nods. “I don’t see a baby bump anywhere though.”_

_Rosa flinches away from Hawkins’ grasp to look at Gina and Hawkins’ words are confirmed. Gina’s belly is flatter than can be, no sign of pregnancy on any inch of her body._

_Rosa is flabbergasted, to say the least._

_“Gina, what happened? Where’s your baby?”_

_“She’s dead,” Gina croaks throatily, sounding more broken than Rosa could ever envision her being. “Because of you.”_

_Because of her? Rosa pushes for a further explanation only to get yanked back in place by Hawkins._

_“You see? She’s not pregnant. So is there any point in protecting her? Wouldn’t you rather be happy… living out your days with Pimento?” Hawkins straightens, smiling sinisterly. “Tell you what, I’ll even throw in an extra deal. If you pick Pimento, you get to leave with him.”_

_Rosa isn’t even listening, completely ignoring Hawkins in favor of reaching out to Gina, she doesn’t understand what’s going on, what happened to Gina’s baby and why was it her fault?_

_“Gina, what the hell happened? Your baby can’t be dead, she can’t-”_

_“She’s dead because of you!” Gina screeches, face contorting in resentment, as if she’s finally letting go, releasing all her disgust towards Rosa, disgust she feels for Rosa. “Screw you- I hate you!”_

_Those words tear Rosa apart, more than anything she’s ever heard before; her lungs are collapsing in on themselves and Rosa feels like she’s being strangled._

_Oh, that’s because she is being strangled- by Hawkins._

_Rosa chokes and headbutts Hawkins until she lets go, the latter having felt annoyed at being disregarded before. She slaps Rosa across the face leaving it smarting from the brute force- but it hurts less than Gina’s hatred._

_“See? You see how much Gina Linetti loathes you? What is that compared to your fiancé, who uprooted his life to escape with you, who you didn’t even call when you decided you were staying for the trial!”_

_Another slap, and guilt weighs heavy on Rosa’s heart. She dares not look at Pimento, but is forced to by Hawkins anyway, who grips her unceremoniously to face him. Pimento is full of tears, and seems to be wailing about how betrayed he feels, but Rosa’s ears are still ringing from the slap and she can’t hear a thing._

_She knows she’s betraying Pimento, betraying him in the worst way possible- this has got to be one of the worst breaches of loyalty imaginable between two betrothed, and she has no words for how deeply sorry she is for being the absolute worst person he ever had to love._

_“I’ll give you one last chance to change your mind, Diaz,” Hawkins sneers into Rosa’s ear. “Either you walk out here with your fiancé, make things right with him, or you save a woman that hates you and stay to watch your fiancé die.”_

_It sounds so much more cruel, so scarily agonizing, downright torturous when Hawkins puts it that way; but the reality is that terrible, and Rosa is disturbingly abhorrent for doing this but-_

_“Gina. It’s still Gina-” she chokes on her shame as tears streak down her face, stinging tears that get her instinctively shutting her eyes. “Gina lives, I’m sorry Adrian, I can’t save you.”_

_“Can’t or won’t?” Hawkins provokes, to the annoyance of Rosa._

_“Won’t. And fuck you,” she curses, only serving to make Hawkins guffaw heartily._

_“You know that word loses its meaning more each time you use it, right?”_

_“Fuck you anyway,” Rosa retorts, almost cheekily because of her petty intentions._

_“Whatever,” Hawkins treads off, arms crossed tightly which strangely pleases Rosa, to know that she got under her skin. “You won’t be getting your way anyway.”_

_Rosa’s not so pleased anymore. “What?”_

_“You think it was ever up to you to decide who lives and who dies?”_

_Rosa’s overtaken by a strong sense of panic. No, no, no- this can’t be happening. She distresses as Hawkins walks towards Gina, spiraling down to a whole new level of desperation. Her mind is a ravaged mess; all her senses so dulled, only one concept dominates her head, which is to save Gina._

_“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry- I’ll give you whatever you want, I’ll tell you whatever you-”_

_“Don’t you see, Diaz?” Hawkins interjects snidely. “You have nothing we want, you know nothing we want.”_

_“Then what the fuck is it you want?!”_

_“We want to break you.”_

_Rosa’s stunned into a mind-numbing silence. A part of her wants to say it’s too late for that, she was broken ages ago, she was broken the moment Gina stopped looking her in the eye at work, the moment she found out Gina was carrying someone’s baby, someone who she claimed to love, the moment the jury found her and Jake guilty, the moment she realized she was going to be alone, so alone in prison, and that maybe fifteen years would come and go and no one would be able to save her._

_But a larger, more immediate part of her realizes why she can’t stop what’s about to happen, and that she’s made a horrible, horrible mistake._

_They’re going to kill Gina._

_“No! Please, whatever you’re gonna do-”_

_“Pimento! You’re free to go,” commands Hawkins, and suddenly Pimento’s restraints loosen and he stands up, looking harrowingly at Rosa as he staggers his way to the exit._

_“And as for your fiancée Rosa Diaz- I’m afraid she has to stay and watch Gina Linetti die. Have a good life,” she wishes almost kindheartedly as she opens the door, her words throwing Gina and Rosa into hysterics._

_Hawkins brandishes a sharp knife, slowly prowling towards Gina, and Rosa hollers with every last breath in objection to the claim on Gina’s life._

_“STOP! PLEASE, I’LL DO ANYTHING, YOU CAN KILL ME, YOU CAN TORTURE ME, JUST DON’T TOUCH HER, PLEASE! SHE’S THE LOVE OF-”_

* * *

 

“Hey Diaz! _Shut the fuck up_ , some of us are trying to sleep!”

Rosa wakes with a jolt and a very hoarse throat, her pulsating headache not helped by the inmate kicking her bed from the bottom bunk.

“What…” she rubs her numb face to give it some warmth. No one told her how cold prison felt. Although, maybe her loneliness feels more chilling than the air. “What happened?”

“What _happened?_ ” The inmate, who Rosa realizes sounds hauntingly like Gina, scoffs. “Bitch, you were screaming like the place was on _fire_. Who the hell is ‘Gina’? She your girl?”

 _Yeah_ , Rosa wishes. Although, it _is_ her entire fault that Gina isn’t ‘her girl’. She sighs and drops her head smack down on the pillow. It’s much too hard, and she can’t find a comfortable position to sprawl out in. Rosa deeply misses her bed at home.

“A friend,” Rosa finally decides to say, which gets Gina’s voice doppelgänger cackling to no end. _Crap_ , her laugh sounds like Gina’s too.

“A friend? What kind of fucking _friend_ makes you _scream_ her name in your sleep?”

“Friend with… benefits?” Rosa quips in a failed attempt to joke.

“Not the way you scream about her she’s not.”

Rosa sighs. “You sound like her,” she admits.

“Damn, no wonder you’re in so deep. _Girl has a sexy voice._ ”

Rosa breaks into a humorless laugh. Her bunkmate’s just as shallow as Gina. Maybe prison won’t be so bad.

“She feel the same way?” Her bunkmate presses on.

“Who?”

“Gina. _Duh_ , who else could I be talking about, _Beyoncé?_ ”

“No,” Rosa flat out answers, without even thinking.

“Wow, that was fast. You sure?”

Rosa rasps achingly as she considers this. Memories of her stomping on Gina’s heart, then Gina inadvertently stomping on hers, flash past her mind but are so tormenting to relive she’s _suffocating_ , akin to the time she was buried alive. She then thinks back to a few days ago when the jury announced the verdict, how Gina snapped at a cop for handling Rosa too roughly, how she threatened to do things women over _six months pregnant_ shouldn’t be threatening _at all._

That gets Rosa smiling, but she quickly dismisses the notion that Gina feels the same way. Gina has someone else now. _Two_ someone else _s_ , in fact.

“I’m sure,” she says, with more conviction this time. “She doesn’t love me.”

“Wow,” her bunkmate sighs. “Hope for your sake you’re wrong. Anyway, it’s three in the morning, we should get our asses to bed. Maybe she’ll visit you tomorrow.”

“Doubt so,” Rosa replies, but she closes her eyes and embraces whatever horrors sleep will bring nonetheless.

 

* * *

 

The next morning, Rosa’s approached by two security officers.

“Detective Diaz, you have a visitor,” one of them says, looking slightly confused as she does. Which mirrors Rosa’s feelings, because isn’t she not allowed to have visitors yet? This is only her second day here.

“Hey, who you calling 'Detective’?” A random inmate complains resentfully. She’s right of course, Rosa’s not supposed to be addressed as 'Detective’, hell, even calling her _'Diaz’_ is a stretch. But the guards in question are ones she’s familiar with. She’s interacted with them for cases and they’re firm believers that Rosa was framed.

They choose to ignore this inmate’s lamentation.

“Who is it?” Rosa’s mind plummets through a long list of names. Hawkins? Holt? Pimento? _Doug Judy_ , who’s here to help her escape jail time since it’s what he does best?

“Think you should just come with us,” they say, and Rosa obeys, following them without protest to the visiting area.

 

* * *

 

_“Gina?“_

Rosa’s more shocked than ever to see their heavily pregnant civilian administrator standing in the middle of the room, and has to physically restrain herself from fleeing into Gina’s arms when her cuffs are removed. Sue her, she’s unbelievably happy.

"Sup,” Gina says casually, but there’s a genuine smile on her face that can’t be wiped off.

“What are you doing here?” Rosa asks as she pulls a chair out for Gina, making sure she’s safely settled before Rosa herself sits down.

“Uh, duh? _Visiting_ your incarcerated ass. What else would I be here for, their crappy vending machine snacks? Please, if I wanted that I’d go to _work._ ”

Rosa beams involuntarily, Gina always having this effect on her, her infectious humor and eccentric ways never failing to lift her spirits.

“Anyway, what’s up with you?” Gina asks, seeming to regret the vague nature of the question a second later.

“In prison. And you’re… _heavily pregnant_. Where’s your boyfriend?”

“Why?” Gina looks bothered by the inquiry. “Does he _need_ to be here?”

“No,” Rosa shakes her head. In fact, she prefers that he’s not here. “But he should be taking care of you.”

“He’s busy at work,” Gina explains. “And I can take care of myself _and_  Fetus just fine.”

Rosa snorts. “Fetus?”

“Better than saying 'baby’.”

“Hmm. Right. Don’t have a name yet huh?” Rosa quirks an eyebrow. Knowing Gina, she’d have come up with a long list of bizarre baby names by now.

“Uh, 'course I do. Narrowed it down to _'The Enigma’_ ,” she announces proudly. “If it’s a _girl_. But if it’s a _boy-_ ”

“The Enig _mo_ ,” Rosa finishes, to the pleasant surprise of Gina, who’s impressed by her. “Think I don’t know you after all these years?”

Gina seems to pick at her fingers nervously as she blushes.

“Anyway, enough about that. How’d they let you in?” Rosa questions. “I’m not supposed to get visitors yet.”

Gina shrugs like it’s nothing, but it’s actually a brag for how easily she bypassed the system.

“Played the pregnancy card. _Amongst other things._ Turns out they let you do whatever you want when you’re pregnant, it’s the best.”

“Well, you did whatever you wanted when you weren’t pregnant either, so did pregnancy really change anything?”

Gina chortles at this. “I do have amazing persuasive powers. So I’m gonna take _that_ as a compliment.”

“Good, because it was.”

Gina grins, her lips reaching the corners of her face, before it falters at her next thought. “Hey- are they treating you okay here?”

“I’ve been here _two days_ ,” Rosa says pointedly. “Not enough time to make enemies.”

“And not enough time to sleep either, _apparently_.” Gina sighs, looking forlornly at Rosa. “You look like hell- have you been sleeping at all?”

“Yeah, but prison isn’t the best place for a good night’s rest.”

Gina’s face falls in concern, and Rosa feels guilty for worrying her at all.

“You doing okay? Have any… bad dreams?”

Rosa coughs awkwardly. “No.”

Gina gives her a disbelieving look.

“Fine, maybe a little. I just got here, things’ll be fine soon.”

Gina heaves, interlocking her fingers as she leans forth. “Wanna talk about those dreams?”

_“Not even a little.”_

“Who are they about?” Gina probes further.

“Beyoncé.”

Gina wrinkles her nose. “That’s a lie, boo- _no one_ can have a bad dream if _Beyoncé’s_ in it.” She pauses for a beat. “Is it Pimento?”

“Huh?” Rosa’s face scrunches up. “Why would I dream about _him_?”

“Uh- for one, he’s your _fiancé_?” Gina huffs. “Shouldn’t he be in those dreams? Or- I don’t know, somewhere around in _real life_? Where is he? None of us have seen him since- before the damn _trial_ , actually.”

Gina looks like she’s angered by Pimento’s absence, feels it like a bitter betrayal that only tacks onto the pile of resentment she’s had against him for ages.

“He’s in Argentina,” Rosa answers simply, and it elicits a huge reaction from Gina.

“What?” Her hands visibly express her shock along with her face. “ _The hell is he doing there?_ ”

“Uh.” Rosa swallows nervously. She has a feeling Captain Holt never told Gina what she almost did, and she has a feeling Gina didn’t ask. “I nearly… ran away with him.”

“What? _Why_?”

“I didn’t want to be in prison for _fifteen_ years.” Rosa asserts, because who would want to lose their freedom for a decade and a half?

Gina huffs. “Then why didn’t you go? And why isn’t he back yet, trying to, I dunno- _help us_ outta this sitch?”

“I didn’t go because Holt told me the Nine-Nine would miss me, okay?” She clears her throat. “Plus I… _realized I’d miss you jerks too_.” Gina seems to hearten at this. “And Pimento isn’t back yet because he doesn’t know I chose to stay.”

Gina’s eyes widen in shock. “What? _What!_ Rosa!”

Rosa exhales in guilt. “I know, okay? I should tell him.”

Gina shrugs. “Yeah, good, I guess. I mean, I couldn’t care less about the guy but if I were him I’d want the heads up too.”

Suddenly, Rosa wonders how things would be different if it had been her and Gina running away from New York, instead of her and Pimento. Would she have chosen to leave instead? A part of Rosa knows that even if she had chosen to stay, she would’ve made sure Gina stayed with her- hell, she would’ve never let Gina leave without her first.

“Yeah, okay. Enough about me- the others doing okay? Did you visit Jake?”

Gina exhales disinterestedly at the change in tone of the subject. “The others are fine. Mostly busy with _cop stuff_ y'know, trying to prove you and Jake are innocent and all that jazz, stuff _I_ can’t help with. And are you kidding me? _Visit Jake?_ It’d just be hours of him asking where Amy is and _how is she_ and crying over how much he misses her and loves her or whatever. _Bleh_. Who needs that?”

Rosa rolls her eyes with a light smirk. Gina’s not wrong. “So he’s on his way here?”

_“He’s on his way here.”_

Rosa laughs, louder and more humorously this time.

“But _only_ because I believe he deserves an explanation to why some super built dude is protecting him from getting beat up in prison.”

“What?” Rosa chokes in surprise. “Why is a… _super built dude_ protecting Jake from getting beat up in prison?”

“Oh, _you know him_. He makes so many enemies annoying the hell out of people he arrests- plus he’s a _cop,_ so who knows how many prisoners wanna kick his ass? I had to pull some strings, make sure nothing happened just in case.”

Rosa nods. “Good call. How’d you get someone to promise to protect Jake in prison though? What if he goes back on his word?”

Gina straightens proudly. “Paid the guy a little visit- he’s actually cellmates with Jake. I told him his little sister would… get hurt if Jake gets hurt. _Voodoo doll stylez._ She’s in prison too. Oh yeah, I also said _you’d_ be the one hurting her if anything happened to Jake, and apparently you have a reputation in prison? Guy completely _freaked out_ when I told him your name! How do all these criminals _know_ you? And fear you? What do you _do_ to them?”

“You don’t wanna know.”

“Oh, trust me sweetie, I _do_.” Gina winks, and it sends chills down Rosa’s spine. A woman in her _second trimester_ of pregnancy is flirting with her, and it’s stupidly working.

“Maybe you’ll find out someday-” Rosa flirts back, but then bites back her words. “Anyway, who’s the little sister I’m supposed to beat up if Jake gets hurt? She do something bad?”

Rosa might… maybe possibly be hoping this little sister’s the worst person in the world. You know, murderer, tortures animals, bad breath, something to give Rosa a reason to wanna fight her. Maybe she looks like Hawkins or something, that could be a plus point too.

“I dunno what she did.” Gina shrugs. “But I checked and she conveniently sleeps in the bunk below you.”

“What? _Girl whose voice sounds like you?_ ”

“Girl who sounds like _what_ now?” Gina raises her eyebrows in curiosity.

“Never mind, how do you know I sleep in the top bunk?” Rosa asks with a layer of skepticism.

“Oh, Rosa, what _don’t_ I know?”

“Fair point. But just know that if anything does happen to Jake, I’m marching over to the men’s prison and beating the hell out of whoever touches him myself. Better message than hurting some random guy’s sister.”

Gina snickers at the thought but then it fades and she seems consumed by something else, which results in a period of awkward silence that feels almost deadly.

“Hey…” Gina clears her throat. “This is gonna seem random and all but screw it- why didn’t you tell Pimento you were staying?”

“What? Why do you care?” Rosa scoffs half-heartedly and averts her eyes.

“Because it’s _you_ , so just tell me.”

Rosa relents and takes a deep breath to prepare herself. “Because I was scared. Of… of telling him why I was staying-” she claws uneasily at her arm-“it’s not just because of the Nine-Nine.”

“What other reason was there?”

“I wasn’t sure- I wasn’t sure I wanted to escape _with_ him. Fleeing the country, that shit’s permanent, and I wasn’t sure… I just- I guess I don’t wanna be with him _forever_ , okay? I don’t know.”

Gina reaches over and caresses Rosa’s arm, calming her down. “Hey, it’s okay. You wanna like, talk about it and stuff?”

 _“No touching!”_ A security guard commands.

Gina whips her head around almost furiously, and it mortifies the guard into silence. “I will _cut_ you,” she threatens.

“Tight,” Rosa compliments as Gina turns back around to face her.

“I know,” Gina acknowledges coolly. “So what was wrong with Pimento? Did he do something… bad? _Weird?_ Did he betray you?” She gasps, jumping to her own conclusions. “Did he _cheat_?”

Rosa rejects this notion immediately. “No, never. If anything… I’m the one who cheated, okay-”

“Rosa?” Gina interrupts, almost in shock. “ _You_ cheated?”

“No, I didn’t _cheat_ like- it’s more of… that stupid _emotional_ cheating crap. That a thing? Like when you’re with someone but you like or- you… _love someone else_.”

“Rosa…” Gina’s voice hollows. “What did you do?”

“ _Nothing,_ okay? I loved him, I still want him to be happy- I just-”

“Rosa-”

“I loved _you_ , okay?” She snaps, the last of her self-control eviscerating with the confession. “Fuck, _I love you_ , and it’s the dumbest thing, 'cause it’s not your fault but you’re the reason-” she rasps-“you’re the _biggest_ reason, why I stayed, why I didn’t _go_ to Argentina, why I _scream_ until my damn bunkmate wakes up at night!”

Rosa sinks back in her chair completely spent, a single tear staining her cheek. She wants to rub it away but fears that doing so might bring attention to her state, and she just wants to stop being such an emotional wreck. Rosa regrets this stupid outburst of hers, she shouldn’t have- she shouldn’t have _said_ anything.

Gina, on the other hand, although Rosa isn’t looking at her, is utterly distraught, at a loss about all the information she’s just received. She’s not sure what she expected Rosa to say, hell- she’s not sure what she _wanted_ Rosa to say. But she doesn’t know what to do, and her world flips and flips and flips. No matter which way it turns, something still feels wrong.

“You… love me?” She puzzles, almost insecurely. “You _dream_ about me?”

Rosa shuts her eyes in resignation.

“Yeah, I- I do.” She purses her lips painfully. “It’s a lot, I’m sor-”

Gina’s phone buzzes on the desk which takes both of their attentions away momentarily.

“You should get that, it’s Amy,” Rosa suggests, but Gina only rejects the call.

“Whatever, I can talk to her later.” Gina looks resolutely at Rosa. “This can’t wait.”

“I disagree. I think we should never speak of this again-”

“Why couldn’t you have told me this _months_ ago, Rosa?” She rants, a fiery rage unleashing in a split second, from bottled up frustrations withheld much too long. “Why now? Why the hell do you have to shove _this_ in my face now? You-” her voice catches as she holds back tears-“ _you_ pushed me away, Rosa, you _crushed_ me-”

“I was _engaged_ , Gina! What the hell did you want from me? I couldn’t just-” Rosa grits her teeth angrily. “Did you _want_ me to cheat on my fiancé? Why would you make a move on me like that? What was I supposed to do?”

“Well, who cares!” Gina spits. “Nothing can happen now-”

“I never _said_ I wanted anything to happen!” Rosa slams the table with a clenched fist, shocking Gina and sending a few guards reaching for their weapons; they only stop because of a very pointed look from Gina.

“Then why did you have to tell me you love me?”

Rosa’s breath catches wistfully. “Because I do, plus you practically _forced_ it out of me- and _screw you_ , Gina, I can say whatever the _hell_ I want. I’m going to prison for _fifteen years_. You know what? _I’m in love with you!_ Got that? I love you so much I’d _die_ before I let anything happen to you, okay? So go _fuck_ yourself, and leave me the hell alone.”

It’s strangely therapeutic, getting this blatant and unapologetic about spouting her feelings left and right to Gina like it’s nothing. And she’s doing it to be petty, which she finds she kind of enjoys in this context. Maybe Jake’s on to something with his whole being super childish thing. Being a child is good- because adults get locked up in prison, and trying to do the right thing ends up tearing their lives apart. Plus the people they love fall in love with someone else and get pregnant with that someone else’s baby- and maybe this entire situation is only applicable to Rosa, who may or may not feel like she’s spiraling.

Gina’s in a mix of awe and utter shock. “You’re not staying in this hell hole for fifteen years- I’ll die _too_ before I let that happen- so _you_ can go fuck _yourself_ because no, you can’t just _say_ whatever the hell you want! Bitch, I’m _pregnant_ , I have a boyfriend- this is? This is the worst time in the world for you to say this?”

“Yeah, you’re pregnant, and you have a boyfriend. I was never trying to change that, and you know what? You should just _leave_ now, and go have your baby and live your life. I’ll just go call my stupid fiancé whose ass is stuck in Argentina-”

“Whose _ass_ you don’t love anymore!”

“I never said I don’t love him-” Rosa argues, although it feels so foolish she ends up wincing instead. “Maybe I just love you more!”

Gina’s phone buzzes with a string of texts, and this time Gina decides to take a quick glance at her phone.

“Crap,” she says, picking up her phone and reading every single one.

“What’s going on?” Rosa asks, peering over to look at the screen.

“It’s Amy- she’s on her way here, she knows I’m visiting you two and she wants to see Jake.” Gina groans. “Oh god, this is bad…”

“Why’s it bad?”

“Amy’s super sleep deprived right now,” she discloses. “I don’t know what she’ll do when she gets here!”

“What?!” Rosa exclaims. “I thought you said everyone was fine.”

“Well, everyone is as fine as they can be given the _shit_ situation we’re in. Trust me, Amy was a lot worse until I _guaranteed_ her Jake would be safe; but she’s been trying to find a way to absolve you and Jake for days, she’s running on coffee and a lot of stubbornness at this point.”

Rosa runs her fingers through her hair, tugging on it in frustration. “What do we do? How bad is she?”

Gina glances nervously at the door. “Well, seeing how I kind of came here secretly to visit you two without telling her, she might be _Needs To Get Dragged Away By Terry_ mad.”

“Crap,” Rosa curses. That’s dangerously bad, a level of unstable fury she’s reached before herself. “Jake can’t see that, he’ll break down- can we stop her before he gets here?”

Gina texts rapidly on her phone. “She’s not responding to anything I’m saying- ugh! This is why I wanted to come alone, I have nothing to lose if I get in trouble, but Amy-”

“She’s on her way to becoming Sergeant, we can’t let her get into trouble-”

“Exactly!” Gina freaks out. “And when she’s no longer delirious she’s gonna be so upset and _I’m_ gonna have to deal with that!”

“Not the point, Gina.”

“I know-”

They get interrupted by muffled sounds and exchanges, shuffling of feet in the distance that alerts them to the possibility of Amy’s presence.

“Ma'am, I’m sorry but you are currently not authorized to-”

“Let me through! I know you let my friend in, I want- I _need_ to see my husband.”

Rosa contemplates getting up to resolve the situation, but she’s a prisoner and knows that won’t come to any good. Gina can’t risk doing anything either because of her baby.

“God, she’s referring to Jake as her _husband_ ,” Gina grimaces. “Either she’s playing the wife card or she _really_ needs to get some sleep.”

“Should we just call her over? Why are they being so weird about this? They let you see me and Jake but they won’t let her through?”

Gina shrugs. “Told ya. Pregnancy card.”

They hear more noises and approaching voices.

“Ma'am?” Gina seems to visibly freeze at this voice. “What seems to be the problem?”

“I want to visit my husband, Detective Jake Peralta, please. My friend is here too, we’re supposed to be visiting him and Detective Rosa Diaz together.”

Gina sinks into her chair. “Oh no Amy come on no no no…”

Rosa tightens her look on Gina. “Why, what’s going on?”

“I think that’s the chief officer!” Gina whispers fearfully. “I used my civilian administrative powers to do a background check on all the guards here, to see who would be cool with me visiting, y'know, those guards who know you and Jake, and I called them to set this up in secret!”

“I thought you played the pregnancy card!”

“Yeah, but it’s more complicated than that- this is a super unofficial low key visit- I made sure all the guards on duty this shift were cool but I didn’t know the chief prison officer would show up!”

Rosa shifts nervously in her chair. “So if he comes in here, we’re screwed?”

“Kinda, yeah!” Gina frantically texts Amy on her phone again. “Come on Santiago, look at your _damn_ phone!”

Gina’s phone finally buzzes with a reply and the two women heave restrained sighs of relief- they’re not out of hot water yet, but there’s a glimmer of hope.

“Detective, I’m afraid the inmates in question aren’t cleared for visitations yet,” the chief officer informs, likely just returning from checking the records given the short period of silence earlier.

“Oh, that’s totally okay. I’ll just come back next time _bye-_ ”

“What were you saying about your friend already being here? With two inmates not yet authorized to have visitors?”

Gina and Rosa stare at each other in pure terror.

“Uh… that was a lie?”  

The chief prison officer obviously does not believe Amy, because they hear his footsteps padding down towards the visiting area, and that’s when they start to freak out.

“No! Rosa, this can’t be happening! What do we do?”

“I don’t-”

“Oh, I know!” Gina interjects in a quiet voice. “Let’s hide under the table!”

“What?” Rosa’s face contorts in disapproval. “Gina, you’re _super_ pregnant.”

“Who cares? Come on, they won’t see us if we hide!”

Gina ducks underneath the table with an admirable speed for someone with a belly that size. Which prompts Rosa to do the exact same thing because what the hell, right? It’s the only semblance of a plan they have.

The chief prison officer stops at the door and looks around, and Gina and Rosa hold their breaths nervously.

“Hmm, I guess there really is no one here.”

“Yeah, there really _is_ no one here…” Amy sounds slightly confused, but succeeds in hiding it.

“What did you say your name was?” The chief officer asks in a dangerous manner which should clearly relieve Amy to know he doesn’t have yet.

“Just a… crazy lady! Of no importance- I was just leaving.” Amy’s quick and hasty footsteps are heard trailing off and the chief’s heavier ones follow much less agitatedly.

Gina and Rosa stay under the table together for roughly five minutes until they’re certain no one’s coming to catch them red-handed. Things are still weirdly tense because of their previous heated exchanges, the anger and tears and pain hurled at each other coming to light again after the paranoia surrounding getting caught dies down. They now sit in the aftermath of their so called fight, and Rosa doesn’t know what’s the appropriate move here.

Gina continues to text Amy on her phone with instructions on what to do if she wants to stay at the prison and visit Jake and Rosa with her. In secret, of course.

“Okay,” Gina pipes up after a while. “Amy’s hiding out in the ladies room until the chief leaves for lunch. I don’t know when Jake’s getting here but he should be soon.”

Rosa nods in assent. “Do you wanna get out from underneath the table?”

“Hell yes I do. The only problem is uh… I don’t think I can get up?”

Rosa chortles at this as she emerges from beneath the table, crossing over to Gina’s side to lift her up carefully before helping her back in her chair.

“God,” Gina bemoans as she settles back in her seat. “I feel like a helpless old lady.”

“You _are_ a helpless old lady,” Rosa teases, before she’s interrupted by the buzz of Gina’s phone again. “That Amy?”

Gina lifts up her phone and Rosa reads Milton’s name on the caller I.D., her entire face falling in disappointment. Her stomach lurches in jealousy as Gina answers the phone.

“Hey, Milton.”

Rosa doesn’t hear the entire conversation because her head blocks it all out, but the whole thing serves as a reminder, yet again, that Gina is not hers, that Gina is long gone and she’s lost her chance from being stupid, realizing what she wants too little too late.

But if she’s being frank, she still doesn’t know what she wants.

“Hey, I’m sorry about that…” Gina apologizes awkwardly as she hangs up the phone.

“No, you’re not,” Rosa blurts out dismissively, getting up and deciding to leave.

“Where are you going?” Gina motions to get up too, but it’s difficult and Rosa skulks off much faster.

_“To call my stupid fiancé.”_


	4. i want you more than i’ve wanted anyone, isn’t that dangerous?

The phone rings and it rings, and Rosa would be annoyed at how long it’s taking for the call to get through if she weren’t incredibly grateful for the delay.

You see, when you’ve fallen out of love with someone, but are calling them out of spite because of the person you’re in love with, chances are that you won’t really know what to say.

Rosa has no idea what she wants to say to Pimento. Even though... there’s probably plenty of things she should say.

Sorry, for one. She should be sorry for letting him run to Argentina on his own. She should be sorry for not telling him that she was staying for the trial. She should be sorry for not telling him that she’s in prison now, and will be for fifteen years if her verdict doesn’t change.

But most of all, she should be sorry for falling in love with someone else. She should be sorry for telling him that she didn’t kiss Gina Linetti back all those months ago.

Because that was a lie, possibly one of the worst lies she’s ever told in her life. One of the worst lies, that resulted in Gina falling in love with someone else, carrying someone else’s baby.

_She’ll never be hers to love._

Thinking about all this has Rosa’s eyes burning, and her nose fills up, making it hard to breathe. This was a mistake, she should hang up the phone, because she doesn’t know what she’s doing, doesn’t know what she’s supposed to say—it was a mistake to have actually phoned him at all.

It’s not like Gina would’ve been able to check if she did. She was just being petty, and bitterly relishing in the way Gina beckoned her to stay with her pleading words as she stubbornly walked away anyway. She felt so powerful then but she feels like nothing now. What she did was meaningless because she doesn’t feel any better.

She moves the phone away from her ear and is about to hang up when she hears it.

“Hello?”

His voice sounds very tense, like he’s trying to put on a different voice to evade suspicion. Guilt clings to Rosa’s heart like she had once clung onto her denial. The denial that put her in this situation in the first place.

Okay, sure, Rosa refusing to admit for the longest time that she loved Gina isn’t the reason why she’s in jail, but it’s the reason her fiancé is in Argentina, thousands of miles away from home. Without her. It’s also the reason she has to deal with this... entire situation.

“Hey,” she mutters, and that one word is all it takes for Pimento to release a terrified breath he had been holding.

“Oh, babe, finally,” he laughs in relief, and Rosa feels even worse for not telling him about her whereabouts sooner. He must’ve thought she’d been killed, or worse. “I thought you’d been killed, or worse.”

“I’m sorry,” she apologizes, but she knows that apology stands for many reasons, more than what he knows of.

“When are you getting here?” he asks all too hopefully, and it actually kills her to know that she’ll have to say ‘never’. “I got rid of the scorpions.”

Oh, those poor scorpions.

“You should put them back. Unless you killed them. Because... I’m not coming.”

“Why not??” He sounds very flustered and worked up. “Did they catch you? Babe, I swear to–“

“No. You know they’d never catch me. I–I chose to stay. I couldn’t leave the Nine-Nine. It was too hard.”

He’s silent for a moment, all that noise he’s so used to making ceases. It hurts him, she can tell, and she hasn’t even told him anything truly painful yet.

“Oh. Okay. I guess that’s good, because I didn’t really get rid of all the scorpions. I should come back, cuz the scorpions keep biting me. Why... why didn’t you tell me you were staying, babe?”

“Because... it wasn’t just the Nine-Nine as a whole that kept me here. One... one person stood out. They’re the biggest reason.”

 

* * *

 

Break ups are hard.

Break ups are really, _really_ hard.

As much as she might make it seem so, Rosa doesn’t actually like to hurt the people she cares about. And she did care about Pimento, she still does care about Pimento.

But ever since she started dating him, she’s never truly felt herself. She wasn’t her, she was someone else.

Okay, that isn’t entirely true. She did feel herself when she was dating Pimento, she just didn’t happen to be with him when she was. She’s been herself with her family, her work family, her dearly beloved friends that she’d kill for any day of the week.

But she’d never been more of herself than when she’d been with Gina Linetti.

Of course, that was before she stomped on Gina’s beautiful, secretly larger-than-life heart. That was before she threw away one of the biggest chances she’s ever gotten.

The chance to really, and truly, be happy.

“Why are you crying?” Her bunkmate, the one that sounds strangely like Gina, asks as Rosa climbs back into bed, not wanting to get out of it until possibly fifteen years have passed.

Rosa composes herself enough to reply. It’s not enough, obviously, it’s still painfully clear that she’s not okay, but she doesn’t actually care.

“I, I’m an idiot.”

Her bunkmate snorts. “Tell me something I don’t know. But I guess it’s my fault for putting it that way. What happened, girl? What’d’ya do this time?”

“I just. I just broke up with my fiancé.”

Her bunkmate sits up in absolute glee. “What? No way! Shouldn’t that be good? You can be with that, that Gina girl now!”

Rosa shakes her head. “No, I can’t.”

“Why not?” She freezes up. “Wait, is Gina your fiancée?”

“No.” She only wishes she was. “But nothing can happen. Because she’s pregnant with someone else’s baby.”

A hush falls over the—well, not the whole room, just the area they’re occupying. But yeah, a hush falls and it’s very quiet and all that.

“Ooh. Kay. Real bummer. A bit of an obstacle, but that doesn’t mean all hope is lost. Pregnant people leave their impregnators all the time! You just gotta be ready to take care of her spawn.”

Rosa briefly gets glimpses of what that’d be like. Her, Gina, The Enigma. All three of them together as a family. Gina and her would sleep in the same bed, The Enigma resting in a crib in their room, occasionally sleeping in between them. Taking turns attending to their baby, giving each other sleepy kisses because they’re both tired but they’re both still in this together. Raising the most formidable child, because a child raised by both Gina Linetti and Rosa Diaz would be nothing short of the best. Gina and Rosa growing old together, surviving through thick and thin together, being the couple that they could be.

Rosa brushes all these thoughts away.

Because it’s just a fantasy.

“I guess. But at the same time, never happening. I told her how I felt, she knows everything now. Still, not happening. We’re not meant to be.”

“If I were full of bullshit, I’d say maybe the two of you would’ve worked out in another lifetime. And well, I guess I am full of bullshit, but this is not that kind of shit, okay? I’m sorry it didn’t work out, Diaz. But that doesn’t mean you should give up on her. Things can change.”

“Thanks. Uh. I never got your name.”

Her bunkmate smiles. “Of course you didn’t. Hi, my name’s Iggy.”

 

* * *

 

Gina trudges in through her front door with a heavy heart, heavy mind, and heavy womb. She’s walked into her house thousands of times before, but everything feels strange and different and she’s pretty sure all her conflicting emotions are bad for the baby somehow but it’s not like she cares. Any baby of hers should be able to withstand all sorts of bullshit in life, let alone her feelings, or what’s the point of having them at all?

Milton Boyle walks into the room, having emerged from the kitchen where he’s been cooking. The most aromatic smells trail him, and Gina knows there’s a sumptuous meal waiting for her. She knows she’s lucky, knows that Milton is a gem and a half, knows what an absolute catch Milton is. He is, in all respects, perfect. Perfect for her, even. He dances with her, does her bidding (which includes dancing with her), and knows her well enough.

But Gina wants a leather jacket-clad disaster of a woman in high-heeled boots.

And to be clear, she’s talking about Rosa Diaz.

Rosa Diaz, the girl who took her kiss, breathed life into it, made the sun and stars explode around Gina for a few precious seconds, only to push it all away and shatter Gina’s heart.

Rosa Diaz, the girl who straight up ignored Gina after that, barely talking to her at all, who let months and weeks go by with nothing but silence between them. Silence and a few drunk interactions at a party for cops. Silence that Gina only fed out of spite, silence that Gina secretly questioned because she missed Rosa so much but her pride was too big for her to make the first move. Silence that Rosa deserved because she pushed her away and never explained why she kissed back, so if she wants to talk she has to speak up. Silence that Gina decided wasn’t worth all the pride in the world because Rosa gets sentenced to fifteen years in prison and she can’t go that long without talking to her.

Rosa Diaz, the girl who told Gina she was in love with her, then told her to go fuck herself. In love. All this while. Answering Gina’s question from when it all began, and now Gina knows why she kissed back. Love. But it’s all worthless because Rosa walked out on her to call her stupid fiancé (her words, not Gina’s), and Gina is in her third trimester.

Missed opportunities. All the wrong signals. Two parallel lines that never seemed to meet. One, too afraid to admit her love, the other too scorned to stop herself from running into the arms of another.

“Hey,” Milton greets a frozen Gina. “How was the visit?”

“ _She’s in love with me,”_ Gina says abruptly, something which catches Milton off-guard, yet not totally surprising him. A second later, a part of him dies in realization, resignation.

“Did I fail?”

His voice is quiet, and hearing it is nothing short of heartbreaking.

“I’m sorry.” A pause. “But yes.”

 

* * *

 

All those months ago, Gina had left on a family vacation with the Boyle cousins, ignoring her heartbreak in favor of relishing her joy at having conquered a clan. It worked, to some extent, and Gina was left suntanning in Aruba, whenever she wasn’t trapped in the sea of Apnea masks possessed by seemingly every cousin.

Except one.

“You’re the only good looking Boyle,” she tells him after she recklessly seduces him into bed with her. “I guess that’s why this had to happen.”

“I’m so glad Uncle Lynn married your mother,” he says with an already awestruck look. “It led me to you.”

Gina tries not to grimace over how low key gross the idea of them together is. At least, it’s not high key gross like the idea of her and Charles. And that’s already happened, so what she’s doing now isn’t exactly the weirdest thing ever.

“Don’t get attached,” she sighs, upset that there’s an actual reason why she’s saying this, instead of her usual reason (to sound cool and aloof).

“Why not? You’re amazing.”

“I know. But I’m hung up over a beautiful girl I can’t have. I know I shouldn’t be though, since I can’t have her. And she keeps pushing me away like an idiot.”

“Maybe I can make you forget about her,” he suggests, carding his fingers through her hair. “Maybe you’ll fall in love with me instead.”

Gina doesn’t look very convinced by this. “I doubt this’ll last, but you’re welcome to try.”

And then Gina winds up with a positive pregnancy test.

 

* * *

 

“It’s never going to work, she’s always one step ahead of us, she always has a plan, but I can’t just let Jake _rot_ in jail, I just–“

“Hey,” Gina interrupts sternly, but her fingers remain in Amy’s hair, gently going through it as a comforting gesture. “Stop it. Think about Jake. And how he’d cry if he saw you like this.” She pauses to think. “Never mind, he’d cry no matter how he saw you. But still, girl, I need you to focus. How can I help?”

“Gina, you’re not a cop,” Amy reminds. “And you’re on maternity leave, there’s nothing you can do.”

Gina cracks up at this, but her laugh doesn’t really reach cackling levels, because this isn’t exactly a happy situation.

“Oh, sweet Amy. You are so adorably wrong. Tell me what you think the root of the problem is. Why you can’t take down Hawkins’ operation.”

“The problem is Hawkins.” She spits out this answer without so much as a moment of hesitation. “She’s too in control of everything. Too well informed. She keeps everything together, we can’t find a chink in the operation. No one good person who can betray her for a better cause.” Amy sighs. “I mean, there is this one guy. Seamus Murphy. But he’s bad news. He says he has information that could help us take down Hawkins, but only if I promise to owe him a favor.”

“And you don’t know what favor that is, do you?”

Amy shakes her head, staring blankly at their dinner. It’s good, healthy stuff that Gina made because she has a baby on the way and knows she needs to have the right diet for it, but the food is sitting untouched and getting cold, like the air around them.

“Don’t worry, I’m not taking the offer. Holt said not to, because we’re going to find another way,” she rambles on methodically, like she’s not very convinced.

“And you’d better not take that offer,” Gina commands, crossing her arms to get the message across. “Because I have a better idea.”

“Which is?”

“You said it’s impossible to take Hawkins down because she’s always one step ahead and so in control of her operation, right?” Gina recants to Amy’s slow, curious nods. “Then I guess all we have to do is take her out of the equation.”

“How? It’s easier said than done, Gina.”

“I know,” she acknowledges, appalled by this lack of confidence. “But as I was saying, I have an idea.”

 

* * *

 

_“Detective Diaz? Detective Diaz!”_

Rosa wakes up to harshly spoken whispers and cold, clammy hands, shaking her awake. As her eyes squint open, she realizes it’s one of the guards, one that she happens to be particularly close to. One, that she asked to help her keep track of the squad, and to tell her if anything bad happened.

Seeing how she’s shaking her and looking half dead at this hour, Rosa shoots up in bed, immediately wide awake.

“What’s going on?”

“It’s that civilian administrator that came to see you the other day.” She takes a deep breath, which does nothing to ease Rosa’s anxiety. “You know, the one that got hit by a bus?”

Rosa’s entire heart falls into a pit of agony and despair. She reels painfully, for a split second, getting a brief reminder of how much it hurt when she first found out her world fell apart, and the slowly diminishing anguish in the months that followed.

“What happened?” She says this in a low and quiet voice, but the desperation with which she demands to know this sounds eerily like a threat.

“I don’t have all the details, but uh, it involves a bu–“

“She got hit by a bus again?!”

“No, no!” she assures a distraught Rosa Diaz. “No. Again, I’m not entirely–“

“Just–“

“I think. I think she ran someone over. With a bus.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Op literally took forever to update this but please still go off she needs validation!!!!!! 
> 
> Let’s all pretend that Gina met Milton after getting her heart broke by Rosa and somehow managed to get heavily pregnant after that lololololol 
> 
> this chapter’s alternate title is “mmm whatcha say” 
> 
> does anyone still ship dianetti rip


End file.
